How do I know I love him?

One look at his face and I see my tomorrow

 

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His First Goodbye

There comes a time when we experience our first loss. That just happened to my little brother. We recently adopted an abandoned kitten and sadly, did not stay long with us. Buddy was his name – short for Budweiser. He was our first pet and he had been in our care for a short 3 weeks.

Buddy woke up this morning feeling fine but felt lethargic later in the day. We paid no mind to it since he was just a baby and babies sleep a lot. It wasn’t until late afternoon that we started getting worried. He wouldn’t drink his milk and wouldn’t play with us. My little brother put him in his bed and suddenly Buddy just collapsed, unresponsive and started shaking. Alarmed, we rushed Buddy to the vet. I was praying that it was nothing – that Buddy was just really tired.

But the vet delivered bad news. Buddy had difficulty breathing and his chances of surviving were unknown. The doctor tried giving him oxygen and warming him up but his temperature kept going down and his heart rate decreased. We then had to make the most difficult decision.

I looked to my little brother and he started crying. I was shocked because I didn’t think that he would be so attached to Buddy. It was then that I realized that Buddy was his first ever pet, and his first loss. My heart ached for him.

“It’s so hard,” he said through his tears and hearing him say that felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. It was my first time seeing him vulnerable and shaken. I didn’t know how to comfort him. So, I stayed quiet and let him mourn.

Our drive home was quiet. As soon as we entered the house, it felt different. My little brother went straight to his room and I felt lost. There was no more Buddy to greet and no more Buddy to play with.

We’re going to miss him. He is at peace now.

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I’m sorry we couldn’t take better care of you, Buddy 😦

Meanings Part II

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Keep Going with Arrow Tattoo

I find myself constantly worrying about my future. I’ve become somewhat of a pessimist because I always find myself in a series of constant lows. And while I try not to compare myself to others, it’s almost impossible. I’m with a person who is the walking version of my insecurities. It’s not his fault, really. I am the insecure one.

Whenever I find myself close to giving up, I remind myself to keep going. Because I can do it. And I got this simple tattoo as my way of saying never give up. You can’t get what you want if you only go halfway. Keep going.

Meanings

Tattoo

Wilted tree with branches wrapped around book tattoo

Someone recently asked me what my tattoo meant. And I said it was a nerdy reason but I got my tattoo at a time when I was feeling low.

My tattoo is of a wilted tree. It represents my reality. It’s wilted because reality sucks. The book represents my fantasy. As a bibliophile, I consider books my greatest escape from reality. The branches are wrapped around the book because I want my reality entwined with my fantasy; I want them to coexist. Because reality is kind of bleak, wrapping my thoughts around the idea of having another dimension that is better and magical makes living so much better. Finally, the birds represent me. It shows that I can fly to whichever direction I want to lead my life.

And I have a quill (my first tattoo) on the top left which represents my love for writing.

I’ve since treated my body art as an extension of what my life is and what it’s supposed to be. All of my tattoos define who I am as a person.

Red Flags

You should’ve ran away when he first laughed at his sister’s hobbies.

When he told her to be “normal” and “be a girl” because no one reads that much, or no one cares so much about women’s rights.

You should’ve ran away when you saw how he treated his mother,

Disrespectful and no regard for her sacrifices.

Who asks for an exchange when a mother asks a favour? Is her love not enough?

 

You should’ve ran away when he treated you like shit. But you didn’t see it that way.

I did.

He made you beg like some kind of dog who needed attention.

 

You should’ve ran away long ago when you could. Because you never trusted him, you should’ve trusted you.

 

But you were too kind to believe that he was nothing but a nice guy. You didn’t see it coming when he broke you when everything seemed perfect.

 

You should’ve ran away but you gave him a choice instead.

And he chose to hurt you.

Who are you?

I woke up from my nap only to see you gone. I jumped from the bed and bolted to the door and there you were, in the kitchen talking with your friends. I got closer to say hi but you pushed me away.

I was 5.

I walked behind you and your friends. You said you were going somewhere so I got excited and asked to come. You asked me if I had money. I said no. I asked if you could pay for me. You said,

“Who are you?”

When I ask you for something, it takes a lot of effort for you to say yes. I have to beg, cry, and even kneel until I move your heartstrings.

I shouldn’t have to but I do.

Because who am I?

I’m just your sister.

3 Things I Love About My Internship

I think it’s safe to say that my current internship has been nothing but positive. Even though it’s a start-up, my experience so far is good. My boss is great and supportive. My co-workers are nice and while I’m the only lady in the office, I’m privileged enough to work with men who respect me. I hope I’m not wrong hehe.

I’ve been interning for a month now and here are the 3 things I love so far:

Generous boss

He has been nothing but accommodating since I started working for them. What surprised me the most was when he invested on my career progression. He told me to take Hootsuite Academy’s Social Marketing Certification exam and paid for it. It’s very surprising for a boss to invest on a temporary employee. I hope this is a good sign *crosses fingers*

Also, heck yeah, I’m Social Marketing Certified.

Independent Work

Some companies are notorious for making their interns do menial tasks not relevant to their jobs. And I’m lucky enough to land an internship where I actually use my skills. I think it has to do with the start-up culture. I am left alone with my tasks and I am able to go at my own pace without any pressure. I actually get to apply what I learned in school and I am assigned to big tasks like marketing research and developing marketing strategies. It’s quite exciting!

Relaxed Environment

Again, I think because it’s a start-up and in the music industry, the environment is more lax than usual. I think I can go to work in my pyjamas if I wanted to. I love it because I’m not a big fan of office wear. I’m comfortable and relaxed.