Red Flags

You should’ve ran away when he first laughed at his sister’s hobbies.

When he told her to be “normal” and “be a girl” because no one reads that much, or no one cares so much about women’s rights.

You should’ve ran away when you saw how he treated his mother,

Disrespectful and no regard for her sacrifices.

Who asks for an exchange when a mother asks a favour? Is her love not enough?

 

You should’ve ran away when he treated you like shit. But you didn’t see it that way.

I did.

He made you beg like some kind of dog who needed attention.

 

You should’ve ran away long ago when you could. Because you never trusted him, you should’ve trusted you.

 

But you were too kind to believe that he was nothing but a nice guy. You didn’t see it coming when he broke you when everything seemed perfect.

 

You should’ve ran away but you gave him a choice instead.

And he chose to hurt you.

Who are you?

I woke up from my nap only to see you gone. I jumped from the bed and bolted to the door and there you were, in the kitchen talking with your friends. I got closer to say hi but you pushed me away.

I was 5.

I walked behind you and your friends. You said you were going somewhere so I got excited and asked to come. You asked me if I had money. I said no. I asked if you could pay for me. You said,

“Who are you?”

When I ask you for something, it takes a lot of effort for you to say yes. I have to beg, cry, and even kneel until I move your heartstrings.

I shouldn’t have to but I do.

Because who am I?

I’m just your sister.

The fear that I passed on to you

Without even meaning to, I handed over my fear to you.

And you took it willingly

 

My sorrows, my burdens,  my worries

You shared with me.

No.

You took it away from me.

So I don’t fight alone.

 

How scared you must have been

when my fear crept in.

 

Engulfed by my nightmares,

Strangled by my demons.

Bound by inescapable misery

of darkness and self-loathing.

 

But your light shone through

Like a new morning after a raging storm.

 

The fear that I passed on to you

did not break you.

 

 

 

 

To the brim

I do not think I give you enough love to fill you. One hundred percent, no, one hundred more.

And more.

Until the glass is no longer half empty, nor half full, but overflowing. Until the oceans swallow the earth. But not you. Stay afloat, my love, and sail towards the unending stream of joys and heartaches; the memories of you and I, always together. Drift into my heart, as I to you.

Always and forever.

Older now

Yesterday, you were braver.

Overwhelming, but yesterday was ten years ago,

When you thought you could reach everything you hoped for.

But then yesterday became a week ago,

When you realized hoping was dreaming and dreams sometimes don’t come true.

Older now, you are afraid.

Because time is running but you’re not.

And you can’t pick up the pace

Because you keep thinking about yesterday.

Older now,

but nothing.