Who are you?

I woke up from my nap only to see you gone. I jumped from the bed and bolted to the door and there you were, in the kitchen talking with your friends. I got closer to say hi but you pushed me away.

I was 5.

I walked behind you and your friends. You said you were going somewhere so I got excited and asked to come. You asked me if I had money. I said no. I asked if you could pay for me. You said,

“Who are you?”

When I ask you for something, it takes a lot of effort for you to say yes. I have to beg, cry, and even kneel until I move your heartstrings.

I shouldn’t have to but I do.

Because who am I?

I’m just your sister.

When you’re feeling low

I find myself lifeless almost everyday. I not only suffer the ‘reading drought’, I am also in a state of constant lows.

Have you ever felt so useless? I cannot find a single thing to motivate me. The moment I leave my bed, I already feel the sense of dread wash over me. “Here is another day of doing nothing,” I always think to myself. And it sucks. Because as much as I want to be active, I can’t. There are some days where I am filled with positivity and some days or most days, I am at my worst condition. It’s as if all the bad spirits enter my body the moment I open my eyes in the morning. The thought of getting breakfast doesn’t even cross my mind. It is more like, “Why do I have to wake up?” And this negativity is so toxic because it plagues my mind and ruins my whole day. It is hard to shake off the feeling.

How do you even begin to cleanse yourself when you wake up already feeling terrible?

How do you even tell yourself that it’s going to be okay when the day started not okay?

How do you become positive when all you think about is the negative?

It seems that my reading drought has sucked me dry. Reading would really help distract me from the nightmarish reality. It would really help if I could just teleport to the world of words and forget about everything for a while. But it is still so hard.

So for now, I can only try to be strong enough to not let it consume me.